Monday 2 March 2009

DRAMA = The Registry Part II: The How’s (How many? How to notify guests? and How to deal with relatives that just don’t get it?)




Question:
How many registries should I have?
Answer:
Technically, you can have as many registries as you like. However, the more registries you have the more work it is for your guests to buy you gifts especially if you have 5 items on 1 registry, 10 on another, 12 on a different registry, 20 on another and 40 on your final registry. I would recommend selecting 1-3 stores to register your gifts – possibly 1 big department store for your main items, 1 specialty store for those must haves, and 1 for your honeymoon or another specialty store. This makes it easy on guests because without doing much searching they can see all of their choices for your gifts.
Question:
How do I notify guests where we have registered?
Answer:
There are two key ways that are manners-friendly to let your guests know where you have registered.

1. Your Wedding Website - On your wedding website be sure to include a page with where you are registered. If you want to add a nice and polite touch, do mention to guests that their attendance at your wedding is all that is desired but that if guests choose to bring a gift then you are extremely thankful for their kindness.
2. Word of Mouth – For all of your family members and your older guests, word of mouth through family and friends is a tried and true polite way to pass on the message regarding where you are registered. It is best to wait until a guest or family member asks where you are registered before giving them the information.

Please note: Another option that stores may give you is to include a paper within your invitation notifying guests where you have registered. In the US and Canada this approached is deemed unacceptable in terms of invitation etiquette. In some cultures, such as in most of continental Europe, where registering for gifts is not widely known and understood – stores may advise you that this is an acceptable way of informing and educating guests of your registry. However, I would still strongly advise against this option since it sends the message to guests that in order to attend your wedding, they must bring a gift and that is certainly a faux pas of grand proportions.

However, should your friends or loved ones throw you a bridal shower, it is okay for them to send out info along with the invitation on where you are registered since the whole idea behind this event is to shower the beautiful bride with gifts!


Question:
What if guests are based in other countries from that of the bride, groom and the registry?
Answer:
If you are based in the US or Europe, for example, but you have numerous guests flying in from all corners of the world, don’t fret. Most registries these days allow people with foreign credit cards and foreign billing addresses to purchase goods. Just double check this before signing up for your registry so that all guests no matter where they are based can be sure to buy the perfect gift for you.
Question:
What happens when some relatives or guests don’t understand the concept of the registry?
Answer:
If you and your fiancé have relatives and friends from countries that do not typically use wedding registries then your guests might not know much about this topic or its purpose. If this is the case, then I would recommend explaining to your family members that you have created a wedding registry because there are a number of things that you either need for your new home or items that you would treasure and would have special meaning if you received them from them. However, as the bride and groom, there is a level of acceptance that you should have regarding the culture of your families and guests. In many cultures, money is given for the wedding whereas gifts are given upon a couples’ engagement. In Polish culture, for instance, pieces of art may be given for the marriage or silverware passed down from generations. In China, many people give an I Ching coin to the lucky bride and groom as they symbolise wealth and good fortune. While you can explain the registry and the importance of your choices to family and friends, you should also understand that the gifts that you receive may be even more exciting and personal that the ones you registered for. Embrace your guests’ choices and who knows – you may even end up with a beautiful painting that would add that je ne sais quoi to your loft apartment or silverware that is irreplaceable and passed down through centuries! Now isn’t that more unique than another La Creuset pot?

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